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First published July 26, 2019
“Remember that time we bought you in the charity auction?”
“Huck—”
“I never really understood why you did that. But I kinda get it now. You wanted to stay connected to your brothers. To this city. To those people you used to know. And that lake house. I think you miss them. I think… I think you want them. And you use Wald and me as replacements.”
“That’s not true and you fuckin’ know it.”
“I don’t mean it that way. I just mean… somewhere along the way you three lost each other and maybe you know how that happened and maybe you don’t. But you’ve been trying to fix it for a long time now, Joey. And I’m not telling you that what I think is true, OK? I’m just gonna say this and let you think about it. Some things are worth saving and some things aren’t. And maybe, if you’ve spent the past sixteen years trying to put it all back together and failed, then maybe it’s just time to move on, you know?”
He pauses to see if I’ll say anything. But I don’t.
*
“Home,” I say. “We went home.”
Even in this hazy, stray, leftover light I can see him smile. “Home, huh?”
“Yeah. We just went home.”
“Nothin’ wrong with home.” Huck pauses. Then nods his head to the other set of stairs that lead down to the basement. “That’s home now.”
I raise my eyebrows at him.
“Not the basement, you dumbass. Them. Us. Forget about what home was with your brothers. Forget about the home you never had and the one you’ve spent all these years looking for. Because it’s not there, Joey. It’s just not there. This is home now. We’re your home now. Wherever we are, that’s home.”
I want to grab that offer and hold it tight. I want to keep it close and never let it go. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, I realize.
Them. With me.
And I never quite knew how to get there. I never quite understood what we were to each other so the right words to express my feelings for them never materialized. No one ever told me the secret. No one ever gave me an in.
Until the other day when Brooke Alder found her way into my temporary office at Bright Berry Beach Cosmetics and Huck Newtown got an idea.
It was a spectacularly bad idea and a genius-level good one at the same time.
But it worked.
We’re here. Together. And no one’s making excuses.
I suddenly realize none of this is about Maisy.
“My point is,” he whispers, “he’s angry. He’s sad. He’s lost. He’s always been these things. Ever since the first day we met. And I don’t like it. I want to fix it. I want him to be happy. No,” he pauses. “No, that’s not it. It’s so much more than that. I want him to realize he’s already happy.”
I close my eyes. Our lips are fluttering against each other as our kiss turns into these words, and these words turn into an admission.
“Help me, Brooke.”
“Help you do what?” I ask.
“Help me make him see that he’s right where he needs to be.”
“What about me?” I ask.
“What do you want?” he asks. He’s unclasped my bra now. And he’s sliding it down my arms. “Tell me what you want.”
“I don’t think it works that way.”
“I think it does. You should listen to me. I’m kinda smart.” A small laugh slips past my lips.
“No,” I say. Because I know I’m right about this. Doesn’t matter how smart he is. “That’s not how friends work.”
“Friends,” he says, lowering his mouth to my nipple. He bites it. Not hard, but enough to make me hiss. “We’re way past friends, Brooke. We’re partners. So tell me… what do you need? How can I help you?”
“Love doesn’t work that way,” I say, my fingers threading into his hair, my heart beating hard and my breath coming out in ragged fits.
“You want me to love you?” he asks.
“I want you to feel whatever it is you feel.”
“But you want that to be love?”
I hold my breath as I nod. And then I whisper, “I need it.” And suddenly my eyes are filling up with tears. “I need someone to tell me to love them. I need to take someone’s place again. I need… I need…”
“You need to love me,” he says.
“No,” I say. “Yes. I don’t know what I need.”
“You want me to tell you what you need?” he asks. And I can’t answer that. There is no way to answer that. Because no answer makes sense. It’s not logical.
“You want me to tell you who you are?” he adds. I just look at him.
“OK,” he says. “OK. I’ll tell you who you are. You, and me, and Huck, and Joey… we met yesterday at Bright Berry Beach Cosmetics. We were looking to hire an actress to pretend to be Joey’s long-time girlfriend and you mistakenly got swept up in our scheme. But funny how fate happens when you least expect it. Because we’re together now and it’s not even fake. And if you only need to know one thing, Brooke, know this. We are one hundred percent on your side. And you’re one hundred percent on our side. And… and we’re going to get this little girl back and be a family.”
He whispers that last part.
“Do you hear me? That’s who you are. That’s what I want. And if you don’t know what you want, then I’m telling you, this is what you want.”